


Not As Good As Naked Quidditch

by Curley_Green



Category: Harry Potter - Rowling
Genre: Adorkable, Community: rs_500, Dirty Talk, M/M, Nerdiness, Sheep & Goats
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2010-10-12
Updated: 2010-10-12
Packaged: 2017-10-12 14:59:19
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 577
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/126148
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Curley_Green/pseuds/Curley_Green
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Sirius thinks he has better things to do with his time than follow Remus around a silly carnival.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Not As Good As Naked Quidditch

**Author's Note:**

  * For [brighty18](https://archiveofourown.org/gifts?recipient=brighty18).



> Originally posted at rs_500, pinch-hit for March 2009. For brighty18. Keywords: rainbow, goat, cotton candy. Dialogue: "Boredom, like hell, is not easily conquered."

"What the fuck's wrong with its eye?"

Remus looked around over his shoulder for impressionable young children before hissing, "Shut up, Padfoot! It's a carnival. There are kids here! You can't use language like that!"

Sirius rolled his eyes. "They won't hear me. I cast a muffling charm."

"So, you planned ahead of time,  _knowing_  you would be using rude language around small children?" Remus snorted. "That makes it better."

Sirius knelt beside the fence so that he was face to face with the goat. "Look at its eyes. The pupils are all ... square."

Remus stood behind Sirius where he had a good view of the goat's eyes. "Rectangular."

"What?"

"Rectangular. A square has four right angles and four  _equal_  sides." Remus ran a light finger over Sirius's back, drawing a square. "A rectangle just has four right angles." He demonstrated, drawing a rectangle this time, and Sirius shivered at the sensation of Remus's touch through the thin fabric of his t-shirt. "Anyway, that's what goats' eyes are supposed to look like." He pulled his hand away. "Come on. There's candy floss at the stand over there."

Sirius turned, but didn't stand up. "You're trying to distract me with food."

"Maybe." Remus bit his lip to keep from smiling. "You do stupid things when you're bored. Like spending far too much time gazing into a goat's eyes. It's a _petting zoo_ , Sirius. You're supposed to  _pet_  the animals, not give them an ophthalmological exam."

Sirius slowly stood up and stretched, the muscles of his chest and arms flexing as he did. The self-satisfied smirk on his face made it quite clear that he knew he was putting on a show. "You're going to have to work harder than  _candy floss_  to keep me interested. Boredom, like hell, is not easily conquered."

Remus raised an eyebrow. "Did you just paraphrase Thomas Paine?"

"Maybe," Sirius laughed. "I do read, you know."

"I just didn't realise you read things that didn't prominently feature either professional Quidditch or nude photographs. Or, Merlin forbid, some combination of the two." 

"Obviously, Thomas Paine can't compete with naked Quidditch, but, honestly, what can?"

"Well, I'm up to the challenge. After all, the harder the conflict, the more glorious the triumph." Remus's smile was practically a leer. "And I'm willing to work very  _hard_  for a  _glorious triumph_  ... so to speak."

Sirius just shook his head. "It's sad, really, how you think quoting dead muggles is sexy."

"Buy me some candy floss and I'll let you ride my Tunnel of Love later." Remus glanced around to see if anyone was watching before punctuating his words by slapping Sirius's arse. "How's that for sexy?"

Sirius grinned. "Much better." He slipped his arm behind Remus and tucked his hand in Remus's back pocket. "Why are we at this silly carnival again? Especially when we could be somewhere where you could make good on all that dirty talk..."

"Behave." Remus pulled Sirius's hand out of his pocket. "I thought I told you -- sex is dependent upon the purchase of candy floss. And possibly a ride on the Ferris wheel."

"Ferris wheel?"

"Yes, the big circular thing with the rainbow lights that rotates round while you sit in one of the little baskets."

"You didn't say anything about a Ferris wheel. You just said candy floss." Remus shrugged and smiled and Sirius sighed. "Fine. Can we snog on the Ferris wheel?"

Remus considered this. "Maybe."

"Mid-air blow-job?"

"Definitely not."

**Author's Note:**

> Originally posted June 28, 2009.


End file.
